From indigenous knowledge to modern neurobiology, we know that human beings are designed for togetherness. Our health and wellbeing depend largely on the quality of our close relationships.

Pain, conflict, struggle and trauma always have a relational element, whether they happen within the context of our closest relationships or not. 

Therefore, healing too is relational in nature. It includes a person’s relationship with themselves, their relationship with the people around them, and their relationship with place and spirit.

“Safety” is hugely subjective based on many, many facets of a person’s neurobiology, mind-body-soul state, current need, history, intergenerational story (epigenetics) and ancestral lines. It’s not something we can simply manufacture or guarantee. 

Feeling unsafe, distressed or traumatized sets in when people feel isolated in their struggle. When they feel disconnected, abandoned or shut out from themselves, others, place or spirit. 

The antidote to trauma is connection in the context of the struggle. In the presence of threat, connection engages and amplifies our inner capacity for resilience and healing. That’s what makes us feel safe.

As herd animals, we’re designed to co-regulate for the collective survival and wellbeing of our small groups. How? By looking out for each other, protecting each other and metabolizing the effects of stress and trauma together. 

Some of us may have a compromised capacity for offering our stabilizing and healing presence to others, due to chronic stress, trauma or other demands in our lives. Our innate capacities can also be challenged interpersonally when we’re confronted with our own triggers. 

Still, underneath the stress or trauma lies the undeniable intelligence of our biology and ancestral resilience. When we engage these intelligences, it activates our innate capacity to offer stabilization and healing in difficult times.

Most people never receive explicit relationship training other than implicit messages about how to get and give love, safety, care and connection. Most people also have no training in emotional intelligence, relational intelligence and integrity, relationship first aid, conflict resolution and how to support growth and transformation within a relationship. 

When challenges inevitably come, we tend to fall into our ‘biological training’ for threat response: defensiveness, avoidance, arguing, overwhelm. Training ourselves in relationship intelligence and relationship first-aid gives us more skillful options when we’re confronted with the challenges of loving and caring for each other. 

Just like any first-response training, be it firefighters, traditional first-aid or emergency personnel, Claiming Each Other students learn to stabilize themselves in times of intensity, in order to assess, discern and act on behalf of the collective wellbeing of themselves and those they support.